I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
