i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
