He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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