Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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