His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
