so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
is that a dick in a sweater?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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