Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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