She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
