just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
