she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
