and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize