Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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