I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
