she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
the raccoons are back...
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