your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize