don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
