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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police

  (616): View more from Michigan

  What?!?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

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• (516): View more from New York

  I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  .....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?

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