Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Holy sore nipples Batman
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
