yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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