Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
