Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
