how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
