Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
