Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
