Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
