come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
