dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You ruined the universe
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
