I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Two words: blizzard sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
