So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
