Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
