I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
