bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
