just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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