I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
