i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
