Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
