Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
