It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
