Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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