Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
