3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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