and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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