I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize