Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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