U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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