4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
