i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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