I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
