Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
