i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were trust falling into bushes
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize