I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
