i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
