I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
