mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
