My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
