I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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