Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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