I wanna passion pit in your ass
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just puked most of my soul out..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
