so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
