dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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