I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
