We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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