I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize