if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
