i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
