I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
