She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
