I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
