At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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