Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
