so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
