Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
